Leela
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Episode Transcript: 6acv01 |
6acv01: Rebirth
Bender: [voice over] On the count of three, you will awaken feeling refreshed, as if Futurama had never been cancelled by idiots, then brought back by bigger idiots. 1... 2... [snaps fingers].
Bender: [voice over] This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Comin' up next: Futurama! [snaps fingers]
Fry: Professor, my Fry-fro's all frizzy. Farnsworth: OK. Fry: That's all. [slicks his hair back to normal] Farnsworth: So!? What of it? Fry: Well, why is– those things?
Farnsworth: You mean you don't remember? Fry: Nope, nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew magic marker penises on my forehead.
Farnsworth: Well, I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again.
Zapp: Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.
Farnsworth: [voice over; flashback] And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of toungesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole. Never to be seen again.
Bender: Yeah, we're back.
Hermes: Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Farnsworth: Of course, that was the Panama Wormhole, Earth's central channel for shipping!
Zoidberg: How humorous. Farnsworth: Yes! It's sort of a Comedy Central channel, and we're on it now! Amy: I get it!
Fry: We've lost power to the forward Game Boy, Mario not responding! Leela: Brace for emergency landing! Farnsworth: Rodger that, activate Safety Spheres! [The crew activates their safety spheres, which only covers their heads. Except for Farnsworth's, which covers his entire being.] Also mine has air conditioning.
Farnsworth: Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I surblibed with only tribial bray dablage. Fry: And the others? Farnsworth: Right here behind this horror cloth. Fry: Are they dead? Farnsworth: Oh, no no no, much worse.
Farnsworth: Move over God! Prepare for rebirth! [He pulls a lever and a ray electrocutes him] Wrong switch. [He switches on a normal light switch] Farnsworth: Come on, stem cells. Work your astounding scientific nonsense!
Fry: Fetal steam cells? Aren't those controversial? Farnsworth: In your time yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults, whom I killed for their stem cells.
Fry: Hermes Conrad! Hermes: [He cries like a baby until Farnsworth slaps his butt] Oh, mon! I'm dripping with placenta! Good thing it's Casual Friday.
Fry: Amy Wong! Amy: Oh, baby soft! Farnsworth: [He slaps her butt] Indeed.
Hermes: Dr. Zoidberg! Zoidberg: Hermes, my friend! Let me cut off your umbilical cord. [He cuts off something of Hermes] Oops.
Fry: And the rest! Amy: Hooray, we're back in business! Zapp: Over my dead body. [The camera zooms out, revealing his body didn't fall, thus it still being a skeleton] Uh, never mind.
Fry: [Looking inside] Bender! Are the steam cells working? [Bender's antennae gets out and pokes Fry's eye] Bender: [He gets out and speaks with a weak voice] I'm dying. I need mouth to ass resuscitation. Fry: I'm on it! [Fry leans down and blows air in Bender's ass offscreen] It's not working! Bender: [laughs] I die happy knowing you fell for that. Farnsworth: His power supply is shot! He is flatlining! [He goes to a shelf full of doomsday devices] Only one thing can keep him alive. [He breaks the glass and takes a doomsday device. He goes back to Bender] Possibly this thing. [He turns the device on and puts in inside Bender's chest cabinet. The liquid covering Bender melts and he gets up] Bender: Woo! I've never felt so energetic! [He dances] Farnsworth: That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's ten times your recommended-- Bender: Who are you? My warranty? [He laughs and sits down. An orange light appears in his body] Farnsworth: For God's sake, Bender! Keep dancing, keep whooping it up! [Bender dances and the light turns off] You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it produces, or it will build to critical levels. Bender: You don't mean... Farnsworth: Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melting gears and splattered bowels. Bender: Sounds like a party, baby! [He dances] Fry: Hey! Speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela?... Where's Leela? [Leela gets out of the machine] Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Farnsworth: Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. [He pokes her with a stick] Fry: Poke harder, damn it! Farnsworth: I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, [He takes out a device] but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.
Bender: [Dancing and singing] Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma, chameleon!
Fry: My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Bender: Because the pain slowly fades but the love is forever. [He is still dancing] Fry: But, what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Bender: Aw! Are you still hung up on Whatshername? Move on already! Fry: Maybe you're right. Bender: Maybe I'm always right.
Fry: Build-A-Bot Workshop? It's time to start living again!
Fry: At least it's something to distract me from Leela. [He adds two eyes] Nah. [One of the eyes falls] Now that I like for some reason.
Robot Leela: [girl voice] I like jellybeans. Do you? Fry: I sure do, honey. Farnsworth: Come now, Fry! You can't live out this sick fantasy! Not without our help. Hermes: These security tapes record everything at Planet Express. Including the ship, shower, and urinals. Amy: And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Zoidberg: [with toilet paper in his mouth] Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. [ate the toilet paper] Hermes: Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela.
Computer: Analyzing...analyzing...Checking my eBay bid. [the upper left screen flashes a message saying "Sorry, you've been outbid!"] Dammit. Analysis complete.
Fry: Hey, I was nuzzling that!
Computer: Attributes transferred...Shoe size 12...etc.
Robot Leela: Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! [kisses him] Bender: Party people in the house say, [gasps dramatically] Robot Leela: This is wonderful! The last thing I remember I was dying in an explosion. Yet here I am in the flesh more alive than ever! Fry: Alive? [clears throat] Hermes: You better tell her, Fry. Robot Leela: Tell me what? Hermes: Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.
Robot Leela: Nibbler, come give mama a hug! [he bites her] Ow! What the—?! Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! [she shakes him off and he takes a piece of flesh from her body] What are you doing, pooperdoodle? It's me, Leela.
Robot Leela: Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories! Her opinion of gazelles! (Majestic.) Her emotions! (Confused and hurt.) Fry: I swear. I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. [holds her hand, but then looks at the real Leela] I mean her—Wait, help me out here.
Bender: Do the Bender! Do the Bender! Randy: No thank you. Bender: [threateningly] I said, "Do it!"
Robot Leela: The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? Fry: I agree. Robot Leela: I need some time to figure this out. Until then, [puts her hand out in friendship] friends? Fry: [shaking her hand] Okay. Bender: Listen up, disco dummies, you just flunked outta Bender's College for Party Knowledge!
Bender: Do the back dance! Do the back dance! Ooh....
Farnsworth (v.o.): Good news, everyone...
Farnsworth (cont'd): I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. [everyone cheers] After all, there's always hope. Fry: Really? Farnsworth: [activating some sort of device] No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and pus. Fry: [disgusted] Oh! I didn't need to hear that. Farnsworth: No, and you don't need to see this.
Machine: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Machine: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!
Farnsworth: Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. Fry: No! [runs over to Leela's body with a blernsball bat] I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! [hits her with the bat on each word] I! Love! You! Robot Leela: Fry, stop. She's gone. Farnsworth: Dr. Zoidberg, can you note the time and declare the patient legally dead? Zoidberg: Can I? That's my specialty.
Hermes: As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild Cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only cyclopses. Bender: [while still partying, holding Leela's wallet and taking her donor card out] Yep, that's what her donor card says. [puts the card back and, as is his nature, steals all the money from the wallet] Fry: [kisses Leela] Goodbye, my love. [he sobs heavily]
Farnsworth: The beast aproacheth.
Bender: To the beat y'all! To the beat y'all! I'm dancin' a jig wid ma feets y'all! Amy (whispering): Bender, cut it out! People are trying to have emotions! Bender (angry): You think I wanna party? [stops partying] I'm sick of partying! [resumes] Woohoo! More partying! [beatboxes]
Leela: Bender, shut the hell up!
Farnsworth: Bender, stop shutting the hell up! Bender: Oh, right. [resumes partying but in a sarcastic way] Leela's back. As if I care. Woo.
Leela: Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see— [gasps]
Fry: Leela?! Robot Leela: Leela? Leela: [getting out of her coffin] Leela? Hermes: Leela. Leela: [walking towards her duplicate] How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Robot Leela: Shut up! [grabbing Leela's arm] We gotta get outta here!
Leela: [grabbing her twin's tank top straps] No, you "Shut up! We gotta get outta here!"
Bender: Ooh, yeah, baby, come on!
Bender: All aboard the party ship!
Leela: There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair! Robot Leela: There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!
Leela (v.o.): This is crazy.
Leela: It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. Farnsworth: That is what you're looking at. Leela: Oh. How could you do this, Fry? Fry: Uh, coma. Sad. Robot Leela: I have to go! This is just too freaky! [she exits the room out the door] Fry: Don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. Leela: I have to go! This is just too freaky! [she exits the room out the door]
Fry: I need cheering up, Bender. I dunno. You wanna go out and party tonight? Bender: [even though he's still partying] I hate partying! If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badunkadunk! Ooh, yeah! Come on, babe! Fry (sighing): Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever. And if I loved Robot Leela, too...
Fry (cont'd): ...well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Leela: Wrong again. You were right. Fry: Leela? Leela Leela? Leela: Leela Leela. I've been thinking, Fry, if I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. [kisses him] As long as Robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, thing will wor— Robot Leela: I'll kill you, you slut-clops! Hee-ya! [karate kicks her duplicate in the face] He's mine! Leela: Oh, back off, missy!
Amy: Somebody do something! [gives Fry a gun] Here, take this. Fry: A gun?! D-Do I really need to—? Leela: Shoot her! She's the robot! Robot Leela: No, shoot her! She's the human! Fry: But-But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? Leela: We just told you! Robot Leela: Yeah, you idiot! Fry: Okay. Fine. If you're gonna be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. [accidentally drops the gun which shoots at his chest area] Whoa! Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. [screams]
Fry (gasps): I'm a robot, too! Zoidberg: [picking up an x-ray of Robot Fry] Aha! That explains this growth on your gravchev(?). Robot Fry: But how is this possible? Farnsworth: Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.
Fry: I'll protect you, Leela! My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions!
Farnsworth (v.o.): Fry did in fact save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.
Farnsworth (v.o.): Leela was so upset, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate...
Farnsworth (v.o): ...then uploaded his personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. Fry: [from the tape of him at the urinal] I sure love Leela.
Farnsworth (v.o.): Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.
Farnsworth (v.o.): The inevitable static discharged electrocuted Leela and destroyed both of their short-term memories.
Robot Fry: So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.
Farnsworth (v.o.): What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew.
Robot Fry: Professor, my Fry-fro's all frizzy.
Leela: My god, I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.
Fry: Hey, where's my shoes?
Robot Fry: Fry! Fry: [putting on his clothes] Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Robot Fry: Trust me, don't ask. Fry: Okay, dork. Listen, I'm gonna hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit, then— Robot Leela: Hang on! It's time to sort things out. The truth is I love Fry. [points to Robot Fry] That Fry. Robot Fry: And I love Leela. Any Leela. Robot Leela: We're robots and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets.
Robot Fry: Whoa, cool!
Robot Fry: [in a voice like a terminator] Hasta la vista, wiener! Robot Leela: [also in a voice like a terminator] We'll be back...for our stuff.
Amy: Why did their voices change? Farnsworth: That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Fry: Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? Leela: I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Fry: Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for a thousand years. I can wait a little longer. Bender: Pffft! What a load of mush! I've had it!
Amy (gasps): He's gonna blow! Farnsworth: Party, Bender! Party for your life! Bender: No chance, hot pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!
Leela: The cyclops eater!
Bender: Hold on, mac! It ain't like that!
Bender: Geez, what's it take to kill me?
Farnsworth: Bender, you blew out your excess capacity! You're cured! Bender: [relieved] Oh, sweet mercy. My hellish nightmare is over. I never have to party again. Fry: Well, that's that, then. We're back, everyone! Bender: Party!!
Zapp: Wheeee!
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